Friday, July 11, 2008

|Jokes|

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work.

A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Always wondered this one....

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say

If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?

Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep !

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ?

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?

Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting.
I can sure relate....

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water.

Think about this...no one ever says "it's only a game" when their team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
Sweet.

Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

90% of all statistics are made up.

A man needs a good memory after he has lied.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

It's better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. -- Mark Twain